Everytime someone says something along the lines of "So Julia, you ready for school?" I respond with a gruff "It's not here yet. That means we don't talk about it."
I'm a worrier.
Which is why I don't like to start worrying about things until they are immediate and unavoidable. It's just a waste of energy. So I prefer to not think about it.
But then I started thinking, maybe I'm approaching this with the wrong attitude. Maybe I should try being excited about it. School is always a good time. Sure, it's hard work and you're constantly hoping and praying that your prof likes your paper or that you studied enough for that exam or that the cute boy 4 rows over thinks your hair looks particularly shiny today(muwahahaha), but learning is never something you should dread. Or avoid. I feel like I've gotten lazy over the last year. I need to get busy again. Balance work and school and friends and and and... So even though driving to downtown Winnipeg every morning seems quite unpleasant (don't really wanna get up at 6am, 4 days a week), even though going to a new school is "scary" (how old am I? Seven????) and even though meeting 30 new classmates that you'll be spending practically every day with in class for the next two years is a little nerve-wracking, I should still be looking forward to it. Sure, it's scary as heck just thinking about being in a real classroom with a teacher judging your skills and some university supervisor evaluating your work, but why should I cower and be scared all the time? I'll make mistakes. I'll need them to tell me what worked and what didn't. No one gets it right off the bat. We all have to start somewhere. And I know that I have unrealistic expectations of myself. I like to get things right the first time. I don't like the thought of people using the words "room for improvement" to describe me or my abilities.... But I mean, I've finally reached the stage of my education where I'll actually be learning about what I want to do with the rest of my life. I've finally arrived. So maybe I should just flippin' enjoy it, hey?
So here's to appreciating the past and looking forward. And if that smile doesn't come all on its own, I can always learn to paste it on. Someone once told me that teachers need to be great actors. May as well start practising.
2 comments:
I also find that a lot of the time when you fake it (like a smile or being excited) you actually end up smiling for real. I'm sure you are going to do great (because you always do!) and love learning about things that will actually make a difference to your teaching career. And just think...you'll be so close to make all of the time now :)
Well this is from one worrier to another:
There is a strange comfort in knowing you're not alone in a struggle.
Thanks for writing this, I can really identify with what you said. Especially the part about having unrealistic expectations. I do that to myself all the time. So often it's stuff we do or think to ourselves that's the beginning of the problem, why why why do we do that!?
I'm with Bria: you'll do great at U of W, and you were born to teach and you can tackle this next step no prob! (Even getting up early every morning!)
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