As of 11am Tuesday, the 19th of May I am no longer a registered resident of Eilenburg, Germany. How strange. I'm just starting to really realize how much I changed this year. How much I learned. And how much I'm going to miss this place that really has become my little home. I went to my last aerobics class yesterday, where I was allowed to choose what we did for the class...I definitely chose step aerobics. LOVE IT. Mainly cuz it actually makes you sweat and feel like you accomplished something afterwards. Unfortunately it was about +30 yesterday and MAJORLY humid (had a massive nighttime thunderstorm) so we were sweating already after the warm-up, but whatevs. Anyways, the point I was trying to make is that I only now realized that I had found my rut here. I had found my routine. I had various activities that kept me busy during the week. I was teaching English classes on my own without freaking out beforehand due to my lack of experience and knowledge. I regularly ran into people I know on the street or in the grocery store. 
But today stood out in stark contrast as I spent the morning cleaning, vacuuming, dusting, washing, and sweeping. And packing. Getting ready to leave. In approximately 67 hours Zoe and Katrina will be arriving here in Leipzig. And then there are a BILLION things to plan and organize and get in order during the week they're here with me before we take off for Cairo. Sometimes I wonder where all the grown-ups are that are supposed to be taking care of me and showing me how to do all this. And then it hits me: I AM a grown-up. Technically. ...let's leave my behaviour and maturity level out of this. :P So all these grown-up things that I'm having to deal with are normal. And I shouldn't NEED someone to hold my hand or tell me where to go, what to do, and how to do it. (Except for, of course, my lovely parents who were quite distraught to find out I was planning on travelling all over the place without insurance and then took care of it for me...What would I do without them??? Well, I'd probably be dead many times over, actually....)
But I find myself asking: When did I cross that invisible line? When did independence, self-sufficiency, rent, grocery bill, utilities, mastercard, and responsibility all become a part of my regular, every-day vocabulary? Was it December 15th, 2004? (18th birthday, for those of you who didn't get it...) Or was it the day I hopped on a plane in Toronto and decided to test my own will and determination for a year in Eilenburg, Germany? Am I the only person who wonders about these things, even gets a little freaked out by them occasionally? Does everyone else just find it all quite ordinary? And the most difficult question of all, the one I actually ask myself quite frequently, but have yet to find the answer to: Can I master this ... this 'life'? It sounds melodramatic, but I'm serious! Sometimes I wonder if I think about things too much.
I'm gonna have to think about that.
But today stood out in stark contrast as I spent the morning cleaning, vacuuming, dusting, washing, and sweeping. And packing. Getting ready to leave. In approximately 67 hours Zoe and Katrina will be arriving here in Leipzig. And then there are a BILLION things to plan and organize and get in order during the week they're here with me before we take off for Cairo. Sometimes I wonder where all the grown-ups are that are supposed to be taking care of me and showing me how to do all this. And then it hits me: I AM a grown-up. Technically. ...let's leave my behaviour and maturity level out of this. :P So all these grown-up things that I'm having to deal with are normal. And I shouldn't NEED someone to hold my hand or tell me where to go, what to do, and how to do it. (Except for, of course, my lovely parents who were quite distraught to find out I was planning on travelling all over the place without insurance and then took care of it for me...What would I do without them??? Well, I'd probably be dead many times over, actually....)But I find myself asking: When did I cross that invisible line? When did independence, self-sufficiency, rent, grocery bill, utilities, mastercard, and responsibility all become a part of my regular, every-day vocabulary? Was it December 15th, 2004? (18th birthday, for those of you who didn't get it...) Or was it the day I hopped on a plane in Toronto and decided to test my own will and determination for a year in Eilenburg, Germany? Am I the only person who wonders about these things, even gets a little freaked out by them occasionally? Does everyone else just find it all quite ordinary? And the most difficult question of all, the one I actually ask myself quite frequently, but have yet to find the answer to: Can I master this ... this 'life'? It sounds melodramatic, but I'm serious! Sometimes I wonder if I think about things too much.
I'm gonna have to think about that.
2 comments:
I'm a big time over-thinker too. I can tell you I have definitely had that same thought, actually even just this weekend. So you're not weird...or maybe we both are.
Also can really relate to that whole goodbyes thing. Goodbyes suck.
I think most people, even people who don't over-think things, have those questions at least occasionally. I know most of those things go through my mind from time to time, even now, with each new "stage" - house, husband, children, new job, even getting a pet - all of those things can and do make me and I'm sure many other people wonder if they're really "grown-up" enough. Most of the time I just put the questions aside and do what needs doing when it needs to be done. I find that the easiest for me. :-)
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